A common discussion I have with learning leaders is about how we can effectively move our learners from knowing to doing. For example, as leaders, we know we need to establish effective relationships with our teams. We can scour the literature and find all types of examples to support this belief. However, knowing we need to build effective relationships and acting on this knowledge, or doing so, is another thing.
In a recent conversation with a mentor, I asked them, “How are you so good at building relationships with everyone?” Their answer was simple: shared experiences. While the answer was simple on the outside, I knew many lessons informed this perspective. This answer shifted how I viewed building relationships at work. The “knowing” part of me would say being present with my team will lead to these shared experiences, but the “doing” part is so much more. Simply being present doesn’t build relationships. Yes, it makes you available, but that’s not what is being sought. Building meaningful connections in the workplace takes intentionality.
As leaders, we need to be intentional with the actions we are taking and the decisions we are making. While thinking about the “doing” part of this, I immediately thought of a book I have shared with a multitude of leaders, “Simple Truths of Leadership” by Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley.
Within this book are nuggets that show what it means to be a “doer” as a leader. As I perused all the nuggets, I quickly saw how each of the 52 lessons could be applied to my daily interactions with my team.
As I started putting together different Simple Truths, I realized the list was becoming long quite quickly. To help me on this journey of understanding how I could use the Simple Truths of Leadership, I reached out to author Randy Conley to gather his thoughts.
So I asked Randy: “As a leader, I am wanting to be more intentional with my employees to build effective relationships. What Simple Truths would you recommend I consider?” Here’s what he said:
One of the reasons Ken Blanchard and I wrote the “Simple Truths of Leadership” was to help people turn commonsense leadership principles into common practice. Or, as you said, Jason, move from knowing to doing.
The beauty of the simple truths of leadership is that a person can start with any one of them, at any time, and immediately begin to build more positive relationships. A few that I would call out are:
Simple Truth 8: The best minute servant leaders spend is the one they invest in people.
There is a saying among coaches in the sports world that a player’s “best ability is availability.” I think that applies to leaders in all organizations. The best ability of a leader is their availability to their people.
The thing people want most from their leaders is not a brilliant strategy, super smart goals or even praise and recognition—although those are absolutely needed and valued—they want availability from their leader. People want to be seen and known by their leader and that requires a time investment by the leader. It doesn’t have to be inordinate amounts of time, but it needs to be significant enough to build a trusting and caring relationship.
A practical way for leaders to accomplish this is to calendar specific time with their people. One-on-one meetings, skip-level meetings for those who don’t directly report to you or even periodically attending the meetings of teams that report to you are ways to be present and visible.
Simple Truth 1: Servant leadership is the best way to achieve both great results and great relationships.
This is one of my favorite simple truths because it emphasizes the power of “and.” Many leaders default to prioritizing one or the other. Either they focus too much on results and sacrifice relationships or they focus too much on relationships and fail to achieve results.
A practical way leaders can implement this simple truth is to replace the word “but” with “and” whenever they speak. That sounds easy but it’s a lot harder in practice! When leaders use the word “and” in response to what a team member has shared, they validate what the team member contributed and building upon that idea. Using the word “but” in response to a team member’s contribution is discounting what they contributed and sending the signal that your idea is better.
This is a little thing, but all the little things add up and make a huge difference in the quality of our relationships.
Simple Truth 12: Create autonomy through boundaries.
This is perhaps the most paradoxical of all the simple truths. When people think of boundaries, they often think of constraints. They think of putting structures in place to keep people from straying outside their lane of authority. In reality, the opposite is true with boundaries. Boundaries provide a safe area where people are welcome to operate with freedom and to act responsibly.
The world of parenting provides a great example of the power of boundaries. Study after study shows that when children grow up with strong and sensible boundaries, they are much more well-adjusted and adaptable to their environments. The same is true with adults in the workplace. Everyone likes to know where they stand and what is inbounds and out of bounds. The opportunity is for leaders to be clear with their expectations and in setting goals.
Simple Truth 21: Servant leaders don’t command to obey; they invite people to follow.
Leading in the 21st century is about creating a partnership with the people you lead; it’s something you do with people and not to them. A leader’s true power derives from their personal relationships with people, not from their title or position on an organizational chart. Ken Blanchard shares a great story that illustrates this principle: When he was in the 6th grade he was elected student council president. When he came home and shared the news, his father, who later retired as an admiral in the U.S. Navy, said to him: “Ken, that’s wonderful! Now that you have power, never use it. People follow you because they trust and respect you, not because you have a title.”
People in today’s organizations don’t want to be dictated to, and they certainly don’t respond well when that’s the case. The best leaders understand that people want to be involved in decisions and to have a leader they work “with” rather than “for.”
Simple Truth 28: Building trust is a skill that can be learned and developed.
Many people assume trust “just happens,” like some kind of relationship osmosis. The practical step for leaders is to remember that trust is a skill, and therefore, leaders need to learn and practice the skills of building trust with others.
Trust is based on behaviors, but not just any behaviors. It’s behaviors that align with the four elements of trust: Able, believable, connected and dependable.
Able is about demonstrating competence. When leaders show their competence through having the appropriate expertise for their roles, having a track record of success and effectively making decisions and solving problems, they build trust. People can count on them to know their stuff.
Believable is about acting with integrity. Being honest, acting in alignment with personal and organizational values and treating people fairly by being ethical and equitable are ways leaders build trust.
The third element of trust is connected—caring about others. Sharing information openly and frequently, building rapport, and expressing goodwill are ways that leaders show they truly care about those they lead.
And finally, being dependable by honoring commitments is the fourth element of trust. Leaders who are responsive, reliable, and hold themselves and others accountable build trust with their team members.
Simple Truth 43: Since we were given two ears and one mouth, we should listen more than we speak.
This simple truth was inspired by my wife’s grandfather, Don Hadley. Grandpa Don used to say this all the time because he knew what all great leaders know—listening is the most valuable yet underrated leadership skill.
When we work with leaders, we often ask them to describe their best boss. What characteristic do you think is usually mentioned first? Being a good listener is always at or near the top of the list.
What’s the difference between a good listener and a poor listener? Good listeners focus on the other person and what they are saying. If someone says, “It’s a beautiful day!” a good listener is apt to respond something like, “It sure is! What do you like best about it?” On the other hand, poor listeners often focus on themselves. Their response to the comment about it being a beautiful day will like to take the direction in a self-oriented direction, such as, “You think today is beautiful? You should have seen the weather where I was last week.”
Commonsense practices like not interrupting, checking for understanding and listening for what’s not being said are all ways leaders can improve relationships through listening.
In its broadest sense, leadership is one person attempting to influence the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions of another person. Leadership is a shared experience of something you do with another person, not to them. Following the simple truths of leadership we’ve outlined here will help any leader move from knowing to doing and building stronger, more effective relationships.
Looking ahead
Well, there you have it: Six simple truths to get you started. As leaders, we are faced with new situations every day. All 52 simple truths are designed to be leveraged when you are seeking additional insight and engagement with your team. Even if you are a new leader, these simple truths can provide a framework that will encourage growth within you and those you lead.
I would add that each of these simple truths are opportunities for you, as the leader, and your team to grow. I also encourage every leader to engage their team with these simple truths. How can your team come together to bring these simple truths to life? I believe any variation of application will improve relationships across your team.
As leaders, there will be plenty of distractions that emerge—project deadlines, time sheets to approve, etc. However, one of the most important actions you can take is creating those shared experiences with your team. These truths act as a guide that can help you build trust through servant leadership.
Robert Greenleaf, who many call the father of modern-day servant leadership, gives us a “best test” to consider how we are building relationships with those we lead. Greenleaf’s best test is simple, yet complex: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?
