As social animals, we come into the world unable to fend or defend, desperately needing connection to survive. And according to the social cognitive neuroscience world, the greatest of these lifelines is connection. It is in the process of learning to fend and defend — and avoid the grievous pain of disconnection — that our brain learns to hate.
Few would deny the steady drip of vitriol into our collective psyches. Defined as “violent hate and anger expressed through severe criticism,” key sources of this venom range from the media — social, “news” and entertainment — to politics. More subtle spreaders might include accusatory emails from a boss or colleague: “Is that report late again because you’re confused?” or “Do you guys even know what you’re doing?” And internal conduits for “Slack rage” where anyone in search of a dopamine hit can chime in, even if just with a provocative emoji.
Once unleashed, feelings of extreme emotion build momentum, sometimes adding spice with targeted add-ons: “Maybe you could just SOLVE the problem!” or “Rage Score =11!”
Repetition breeds habit. Rather than another litany on the societal causes of rage, this article sheds light on the brain science of what triggers it in the first place in the hope that we might be able to a) see it coming, and b) stem its tide. As leaders, we are being watched. With that comes responsibility — to understand and to model antidotes.
According to a recent NPR poll, more than 80 percent believe we’re angrier than a generation ago. What’s driving this? Distilled, there are three things our brains cannot tolerate: rejection, cognitive dissonance and the most incendiary of all, unfairness. Each, in its own way — and not always — weaponizes us to defy logic and reason. To manifest vitriol.
So, let’s examine these three triggers and what leaders can do to defuse them.
No. 1: Rejection: When we feel excluded, singled out, belittled or even just accused, that alarm resounds in the area of our brain sponsoring our strongest emotions. As part of its multiple-times-per-second monitoring duties, our brain keeps us on perpetual watch for how we compare, connect, relate. Are we in the “ingroup” or “outgroup?” Something as trivial as being left on an email chain, subtly admonished or not included in a meeting or team assignment registers in the same part of our brain as physical pain.
Even the language of rejection evokes physical sensations: broken hearts, hurt feelings, bruised egos. Still worse, while physical pain is often short-lived, the pain of rejection can last forever and myriad studies link this type of pain to both aggression and depression. To quote the philosopher, William James: “If no one turned round when we entered, answered when we spoke or minded what we did…a kind of rage and impotent despair would ere long well up in us from which the cruelest bodily tortures would be a relief.”
Writ large, we can feel marginalized or disrespected for our status, gender, identity, religious affiliation or even our personal beliefs. Our brain doesn’t distinguish the source of the pain; it simply detects. Something hurtful in the past, or even potentially painful, can be enough to ignite our hate burners.
Lisa Feldman Barret, author of “How Emotions Are Made,” sums it up this way: “If you’re in a situation where your brain is making a guess that some demeaning offense is going to occur, that you’re going to be shamed in some way or that a deeply held belief is going to be violated… your brain prepares you to act in the ways that you have seen or heard other people act.” Bombs away on our mirror neurons. The stronger the emotion, the more indelibly those reactions imprint.
Whether to the psyche or the body, the gut punch of rejection pierces. Studies have even found that acetaminophen dulls social pain because it acts on the same part of our brain as physical pain. If Tylenol reduces rage, it’s not hard to imagine the attraction to stronger amelioratives.
As leaders, we can ease the pressure on this trigger.
If people feel connected and included, their status goes up; reward chemicals, like dopamine and oxytocin get released. We exhibit “approach” and inclusive behaviors. When we categorize ourselves as part of a group, our perspective shifts from “I” to “We.”
Conversely, if we feel excluded, rejected or disconnected, we reach for our sharpest defense mechanisms. “Others” who may compete with our interests or job or status become capable of doing us harm, thus targets for hostility — or hate.
No. 2: Cognitive Dissonance: Our brain intakes 11 million bits of information every second. However, it can only consciously process 40 to 50 bits.
Routines like workday prep, checking email and daily maintenance utilize mental shortcuts that spare us extra thinking and energy. Familiarity breeds consent: “Ah, I get what I’m being asked to do; it’s like that previous project.”
These demands tap our reflexive brain. That which requires attention, problem solving or judgment utilizes an entirely different domain, the energy hoarding, tiny by comparison, reflective brain (aka prefrontal cortex). Daniel Kahneman, in his book “Thinking Fast and Slow,” refers to these as Systems 1 and 2. And Mathew Lieberman, of UCLA, as the “X” and “C” systems.
Prediction machines, our brains run a continuous sequence of analytics calling on these different systems, as needed. However, when expectations collide with inputs (i.e., a sudden layoff, bad performance review or project off the rails) we experience cognitive dissonance.
To alleviate the dissonance, our brain instigates a cavalry-style search for any means possible to reduce or overcome its intensity. The more major the disturbance, the stronger the response. We do what we need to do to resolve the incongruity, including, according to one psychologist, to “deny reality, alter previous feelings, project anger onto the world.” Convince ourselves that what is wrong is right: “It wasn’t my screw up; it was his or No one understands how hard I work.”
Whether that alarm unleashes a dose of reflexive vitriol — or we have witnessed others of higher status and/or whom we admire do so — remains a function of our previous experience with such disruptions. Our brain doesn’t go looking for trouble, it simply reacts.
As leaders, our best defense in warding off cognitive dissonance is to anticipate the headwinds and then, like any good pilot, navigate them with calm reassurance. Our reflexive brain may detect turbulence, but our reflective brain can mollify it. Communicating the facts in a way that signals equanimity goes a long way to quelling cognitive storms. Research shows that unpredictable pain hurts more than predictable pain.
No. 3: Unfairness: Unfairness taps those places in our brain’s hell reserved for some of our strongest responses. Feelings of injustice can help rationalize extreme acts as a form of retribution for irreconcilable frustration, or worse: “Why am I always being blamed for other people’s mistakes?!” or “Hey, they keep taking credit for my ideas; no way I’m going to share my findings!”
Well-documented research has ratified that spite can compel us not only to forfeit potential gains but also punish the perpetrators. In addition, when we witness a victim-blaming reaction to justify unfair treatment (i.e., the poor deserve to be poor; that person deserved the humiliation), our brains can actually experience a dopamine-fueled reward response, or schadenfreude.
The code red level sensitivity to perceived unfairness awakens our strongest defensive reflexes, the kind that ignite extreme emotions. A reorganization that bypasses or purges, an edict that arbitrarily demands office presence, or a new requirement seemingly applied indiscriminately can trigger previously installed resentments or anxieties. A quick assessment of recent public displays of aggression, like those following recent election cycles or workplace violence, invariably reveal unfairness as a root cause.
The more attention given these — and any feelings — the more they strengthen those neural pathways. Good or bad, this reinforcement leads to automaticity, the basis of habit formation — and the way our brain learns.
To quote Daniel Kahneman: “A reliable way to make people believe in falsehoods is frequent repetition, because familiarity is not easily distinguished from truth. Authoritarian institutions and marketers have always known this fact.”
As leaders, it is easy to forget the impact and importance of our desire to be included. To forget our need to reconcile the “what” with the “why,” or to be treated fairly. Forgetting any one of these invites the brain to default to its more vicious emotions, or defenses, born out of threat and fear. To paraphrase neuroscientist and psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett, emotions are not reactions to the outside world. Rather, they are reactions to what is going on inside our bodies in relation to the outside world. Our brains learn to hate when the outside world wreaks havoc on our inside one.
We live in an ever-present state of figuring out what to do next. We know where next can lead if it comes from a place of rejection, cognitive dissonance or unfairness. Armed with this knowledge, we can also teach our brains not to hate.
