As a learning leader, you know the importance of creating a calm and open atmosphere of learning. You also know that you must set the example for what you want the leaders you train to see, say and do.
When you are enthusiastic, the people you are training will respond with a similarly high level of positive energy. Conversely, if you are in a high-stress mode, your leaders will be, too.
In psychological terms, “responding” means to thoughtfully and intentionally adapt your behavior to the current circumstance. In contrast, “reacting” means to automatically go into high-alert stress mode. It occurs when your brain automatically processes a problem as a state of emergency.
Highly effective learning leaders tend to be highly responsive. They take the time to digest what is happening. They step back and take stock. They exude high energy and excitement, not fear and stress. And the leaders they train are responsive in return.
When faced with a difficult situation, a deficit-based reactive mindset is natural at first. But if you can shift into a responsive mode, you can channel your adrenaline in a manner that serves you. Respond or react: It’s up to you.
Last year, I worked with two leaders who embodied the reactive and responsive modes. Mr. Reactive had been referred to me for coaching by his boss, Mr. Responsive. Everyone working within earshot of Mr. Reactive was threatening to quit because of his belligerent behavior. Mr. Responsive made it very clear: Mr. Reactive had to lose the aggression or lose his job.
Mr. Reactive was somewhat apologetic, but not really. He thought those around him should know he was just standing up for what he thought was right. He told me: “At the first sign of a disagreement, I go into high gear and say and do whatever it takes to win the argument. I have had to deal with people who always bullied their way out of a disagreement. Now I’m a hard-ass too.”
To help Mr. Reactive gain some insight into what drives respectful and considerate behavior, I asked his boss Mr. Responsive to explain his thought process when he had a conflict with someone. Mr. Responsive first thought about how important the business was and then how valuable the person with whom he disagreed was to its success. I stopped him from going any further and asked Mr. Reactive what he thought about his boss’ frame of mind.
Mr. Reactive was caught completely off-guard. “All I think about is how to win the argument. I certainly don’t think about the business or how valuable the person is to success,” he said. We then discussed how critical it is to widen one’s lens of focus — that is, what you see — during a conflict.
Mr. Reactive only saw the disagreement, while Mr. Responsive saw the much bigger picture of business success and the other person’s value. A wider lens does not resolve conflict, but it does broaden one’s perspective so that it becomes easier to channel the adrenaline of the moment toward a high-energy response rather than a high-alert reaction.
Gradually, Mr. Reactive learned to broaden his perspective by asking himself questions. He also brought to mind what he valued most about the person he was in disagreement with and their value to the business. These positive and constructive thoughts slowed his reaction time so he could take stock before choosing a response.
In any situation that you see as a crisis, disappointment or failure, use the following questions to help you interrupt the downward spiral of reactivity. Remember: You — and the leaders you train — are far more effective and proactive when motivated by the promise of victory than by the fear of defeat.
- What do I fear most about this situation? What are the real or potentially real losses?
- What can I do to eliminate this fear? What can I do to minimize the chance of loss and danger?
- What are the opportunities for myself, the team and the organization? How can we grow and benefit? What can we learn?
- How can I put my drive and enthusiasm into seizing those opportunities?
